surprising moments of 2017

 

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there’s so much happening around me that all i feel i can do is freeze as to attempt to keep at least one thing constant. i feel like a little figurine stuck in a snow globe with a blazing blizzard endangering my comfort and safety and all i want to do is stop time so i can get a handle on all that’s happening around me. it’s been a long time since i’ve really sit down to write but i know I NEED to do more of it to really think through and reflect on my experiences. i feel like my thoughts are just getting lost in the mix of everything.

surprising moments of 2017

today ann asked me what was surprising to me this last year. can you believe that all the things that came to mind were negative? i was surprised that my extended family basically wants nothing to do with me… i find it so challenging to live in two different worlds, with two very different expectations. there’s a life that i want to live that may not necessarily seem fitting or appropriate to others. at one point in my life, it was easily shrugged off my shoulders because i felt i had support and the constant reminders of why when times were tough but i honestly don’t feel like i have that anymore.

i always thought i was such a resilient person, that i could easily adapt to new environments and social settings but just like anyone else, i experienced how difficult it can be to make new friends and really open up to others. i’ve always had a fear of people recognizing my faults but now there’s a fear of being authentic and showing my real emotions to people which is quite the opposite of who i was before.

and finally… because i’m not looking forward to moving, i wasn’t looking forward to the wedding. because i knew that when that time came, my time in LA was up. which is a sad concept to comprehend; that the most exciting day of my life that i’ve been looking forward to since i was a kid is now tainted because of this notion. but i’m definitely trying my best to lean in and trust the process.

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Floral Maxi Romper

floral maxi, floral romper

 

floral romper, floral maxi

Hi everyone! These maxi rompers are definitely still a love for me. They’re fun and flirty but you also have that casual feel because of the romper style fit. I actually got this from a friend of mine who said it would work perfectly with my style and I’m in love!! Thanks for all your support, Nelyn! <3 <3

You could easily wear this to a fall wedding, a party or a night out on the town! I found some similar items below, see the links! Happy summering <3

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Paralyzing Emotions

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ever since i got back from my thanksgiving trip in seattle, i’ve been in a bit of a funk. i couldn’t help but notice that i was feeling out of my element and while everything had remained the same, there was this running theme i felt all week long. i’ve been trying to process through the emotions and i’m realizing it’s multi-layered.

i think part of it is because the reality of moving  is sinking in… knowing that my life is going to completely change very soon with hoan moving down and then moving up to seattle, getting married and wanting to plan a life around two cities is right around the corner. all of that is just a lot to take in. and while i’ve always enjoyed the option of having more, i’m feeling the nostalgia of resistance from 2 years ago when i first moved to LA resurfacing with this next move.

the other things i kept noticing was feelings of inadequacy, the inability to be myself, fear of judgment and this internal struggle of believing people expected something of me, trying to live up to it but knowing it wasn’t me. with these emotions hitting me all at once, i realized all i could do was numb, do my best to freeze. it’s all so foreign to me feeling like this… never in my life have i felt not enough… not myself or felt fearful of what others thought of me. these were never beliefs that consumed my being and all of a sudden, it was all i could think about.  it’s been really paralyzing and i think i’m still trying to wake up from this trance…

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