the TRUTH about Marriage – FIVE Truths I’ve learned from FIVE Months of Marriage

It’s been over 5 months since Hoan and I have gotten married and to be completely honest, we’ve fought more in these last 5 months than we ever have in our entire relationship. #legit

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I never knew how challenging marriage really was until we got married. Going into it, I had such different expectations of what marriage was going to be like. In my mind, I literally thought it was going to be wedding bells and then happily ever after, I mean that’s what the books and movies end with! To my surprise, it’s been the exact opposite. Well maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit because we’ve had our fair share of amazing experiences as a married couple but I feel like it’s been more tough than easy for us. Here are 5 truths I’ve learned from marriage in these last 5 months of being a wife.

  1. You’ve Got to love someone even when you don’t feel like loving

    – As annoyed we can get of each others’ habits or tendencies, you still gotta love them even when you don’t feel like it. This has been an interesting concept to grasp, but I guess that’s what unconditional, agape love is

  2. Marriage Can bring the worst out of your significant other

    – Before Hoan and I got married, we never really fought. We just had some really serious, heated conversations but we made it a point to never really yell or scream. And unfortunately, marriage has changed that for us. It makes me sad to think about it, but man, marriage just strips away the layers and your ugly can really come out because of the vulnerability that happens anyway.

  3. Being in a committed relationship can continually highlight all of your problems

    – Being in close proximity with someone, 24/7 can easily bring out the same old problems over and over again. Hoan works from home the majority of the time and I only work per diem. So we’re home together A LOT! And especially in our 525 square foot apartment. There’s not much room to go around for everyone so we butt heads a lot.

  4. you learn how to be the best partner in life

    – Sharing a life, a home, a car, etc. can teach you how to be the best partner because it’s a constant give and take. Which, I still need to be better about. I think Hoan is way better than me about giving and sharing. As long as we know the other person’s got your back, your safe to give whole-heartedly.

  5. Marriage is hard AF

    – Dude, IF I KNEW HOW HARD MARRIAGE WAS…. I’d still get married! Sometimes, I think man, why are Hoan and I so different?! Our differences in personality and preferences have been highlighted more in these last 5 months than ever before. Granted we’re transitioning to marriage, living together AND living in the same city so it is A LOT all at once, but regardless, this first year of marriage is no walk in the park!

Despite it though, I’m grateful we got married and I KNOW we were meant to walk this life together. Happy Valentine’s day week beauties <3 <3 xoxo

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First Step in Achieving our Goals

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Tonight, I just wanted to slow down… my life has been so fast paced lately and I feel like I can’t keep up. So I resorted to youtube and searched up my girl Oprah. I feel like she’s always got something to feed the soul and so I watched a 20 minute speech she made and honestly, I didn’t even watch the whole thing but I cried watching it. I’m still trying to figure out why I became so emotional over it and maybe it’s because the person that has been functioning is so far from who I am at my core. Just rush rush rush to get things done. I haven’t breathed, taken things in to process and really one of the big things is that I haven’t done anything to serve myself nor others.

She shared about her story on building a school and I can still remember at one point in my life where I really wanted to focus in on developing a nonprofit organization that could benefit so many people. I never got around to figuring out what it was going to be… and I thought maybe my blog would eventually become that one day and I’m sure it still has potential to become something big. But I gotta figure out what I want to create, why I want to create it, who I want it for. I know that I want to impact, on a larger scale. I know I want to work with women, I know I want to empower and influence… just don’t know on what. But Oprah talking about her experience going back to South Africa to carry out her Christmas Kindness mission of giving a gift to young children reminded me that I haven’t put any effort in doing anything larger than myself in a really long time. And part of me felt called. Called to come back to that place. The place where I wanted to help, encourage, and inspire. Not sure how, or who or even what… but I know it’s time to explore my options.

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First step

First thing that comes to mind is I’d really like to get out of the States and go serve somewhere. The second thing that comes to mind is influencing through my blog and bringing my mission and vision to life. Because the slate is so clean, it can be really intimidating but the first step in pursuing that scares is committing to following through.

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How to Bring Your Life to the Next Level

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I believe that all of the activities we partake in outside of our obligations can essentially be categorized in three different ways. Being able to identify your activities throughout the day can easily show you things you can do to give yourself a little pick-me-up, especially on days they are much needed. So I’ve defined these activities as life-giving, chill or fun activities.

Life-giving Activities

Are things that give you life! Activities that fill your soul up with goodness so that you are full so you can easily share and support others.

Chill activities

Are  just like they sound, chill. They are things you do to relax and numb your brain so you don’t have to think about anything else.

Fun activities

Are things you just enjoy doing that aren’t quite life-giving but they just help  you have a good fricken’ time!

So for me

Life-giving activities – writing, gratitude, reading, working out, church at St John Fisher/Cottonwood, reflection, eating healthy, devotional, volunteering, quality hang outs/conversations

Chill activities – Netflix, social media

Fun activities – blog, photography, planning trips, online shopping, apex, chillin’ with friends

And now that I’ve categorized my daily activities, I have a much better sense of what I’m doing with my time and it allows me to be more conscious of what I do to ensure that I am filling my day with life-giving activities rather than chill activities that make my brain go numb. They say that if we’re not measuring progress, how do we know we’re improving. And if we don’t know, how do we know to shake things up to take things up a notch? So let’s think about what your activities are, and how can we be more conscious of doing more life-giving activities during our day because those are the ones that recharge and rejuvenate ourselves.

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