Hoan and I will be getting married in less than 7 months! It’s kinda crazy to think that it’s coming up so soon. We recently finished our catholic engaged encounter which essentially is a pre-marriage retreat for engaged couples that is a weekend long. This actually wasn’t our first time taking a class like this since we had taken another pre-marriage class from Cottonwood church, and that was every week for five weeks. I think a lot of the topics they covered were very similar to one another but after experiencing both I wanted to round up 10 take-aways we took from our pre-marriage classes for all of you since V-day is right around the corner! So here are 5 things I thought all couples who plan on getting married or are married could benefit from:
Do not threaten with the D-word
When you’re in a relationship where there is always an exit sign, you’ll never feel secure. It’s important to realize you’re in this together, forever and if you’re seeing red flags now… that may be a sign to re-evaluate
A covenant is the most powerful promise you can make
A covenant is more than a promise, it’s an eternal agreement you make between your spouse and God. The beauty of being able to declare your love in front of God and your loved ones on your wedding day is just the beginning. Being able to carry out that covenant daily is speaking with love, acting in love and being a model of God’s love.
2 are truly becoming 1
I always believed that it was so important to be a complete whole person before getting into a relationship and allowing the relationship to compliment your life. However, when we look back at how God created woman out of Adam’s ribs, we find that God decided to take ribs from Adam to create a woman so perfectly made for him. If we looked at this in its’ purest form, that would mean that God made this exact person for you, and we’re just fortunate enough to find and recognize each other. However, if we really think about it, if God had made this exact person for you, he would have eventually worked his magic to bring these two beings together
Do things that are life-giving
Constantly ask yourself if what you are saying to your partner or what you are doing for them is life-giving. And what I mean by this is, living a fuller life, the life Jesus taught us to live. To be supportive of one another, generous beyond measure, sensitive to each other’s feelings and essentially to be selfless for our partner
Intimacy is more than just sex
You can easily be intimate and feel close to one another and this could mean being fully present with each other during a heartfelt conversation or just holding hands in public.
Talk about finances before marriage
It’s important to be aware of each other’s net worth, each other’s debt and how you plan to take care of your finances after marriage. Will you only have one joint account to share, or just have separate accounts, or both?
Practice open communication every SINGLE day
It’s important to be open and honest every single day. The most powerful thing we took away was the 5 A’s which is in itself a whole post itself.
Speak with love your partner will understand
This goes back to knowing each other’s 5 love languages and speaking in the way the give and receive love. Because otherwise it may not necessarily be felt.
Race to repentance
Relationships are not easy, and conflicts will arise.. maybe every day even. And it doesn’t have to be big, it could even be a slight disagreement on where to have lunch but both small or large… it’s important to apologize and forgive with our whole hearts. It doesn’t mean you can’t be upset anymore, but it’s about forgiving, truly letting go and not letting it come up later as ammunition.
WEDDING IS A DAY, A MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME
I feel like society has put so much emphasis on the wedding day. Most likely because it marks a true milestone, but the milestone is only the beginning of the chapter, so what about the rest of it? It might start out with a big bang but it’s important to constantly nurture the storyline. As time goes on, relationships change and people change, it’s so easy to get comfortable and think everything will work out in the end but marriage, just like everything else needs to be invested in.
So there you have it, those are the 10 biggest takeaways I took from our marriage classes. I really hope that you invest in a pre-marriage class before marriage. It really helps to open communication and better yet, some states even give marriage application discounts if you give proof you’ve taken one. Happy love month beauties <3
The most powerful thing I took away from our pre-marriage class was the idea of constant open communication through daily practice of the 5 A’s. Which are: Appreciate, Affection, Apologize, Ask, Amen. It is a daily activity you can easily do with your partner at the end of each day. And how it works is each person takes a turn to do the 5 A’s and then the other partner will go and it usually ends with a prayer. Hoan and I have been doing this EVERY single day since we learned of it. It’s definitely been helpful for us in continuing to stay open to one another and share what ever is on our hearts.
You first start out by telling your partner all of the things you appreciated about them today. Ie. “I appreciate you washing my car today, picking up my laundry, your humor and making me laugh in the morning when I was stressed about being late, etc.”
Once you are done telling them what you appreciate about them, you give them a kiss or a hug.
Next you want to ask your partner if there was anything from the day that upset them. This is a great time to be able to share what small little things irked you such as, “leaving the toilet seat up again, not washing the dishes when you were done with lunch and there was a pile when we got home, etc.” I know for myself, little things can get to me so it’s nice to be able to get it off your chest and also help your partner become more aware of your likes and preferences this way.
You want to ask your partner if there is anything you can do for them? For example, you may ask, “can you please help edit my paper tomorrow, or pick up dry cleaning for me after work, etc.” And make sure you are honest about whether or not you can fulfill these tasks and if not, it’s okay, tell them what you are able to do.
Finally, ask your partner what they’d like you to pray for.
Once your turn is done, repeat the process and let your partner go through their 5 A’s. Once you each have gone, then it’s time to pray. Hoan and I usually pray by him starting off and I finish it off. But really, anything works!
Hoan and I have been doing this every day since we learned about the activity last May and have not missed a single day! It’s truly helped us to continue to have open communication, especially when we are upset. We all know open communication is the key to a successful relationship, but what’s challenging sometimes is when something so small irked you and you don’t know how to bring it up so instead you just let it go… but really deep down it’s still bothersome and if/when it does come up again, it’s become even more frustrating. And we find ourselves in a bigger mess than what it really was to begin with. I really hope these 5 A’s can help you and your partner grow as a unit and help strengthen your faith in one another and in God. <3 Lmk how it goes!
Hey loves, as I’m beginning to plan for my bachelorette in less than 2 months! 5 of us girlies will be headed to the Bahamas on a Royal Caribbean Cruise! I wanted to share some outfits I’m planning on bringing with me
First is this cute little sequin number from Tobi! Seriously, so adorbs on, I’m so obsessed! | Shop this dress HERE
Next is this Showpo OTS leopard print day dress for casual days out on the town! | Shop this dress HERE
Last is this adorable OTS night out dress from Forever 21 that will get you looking classy! | Shop this dress HERE
Welp, that’s it for now! Looking forward to sharing with you all more deets to come! <3