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…and the truth comes out

Category: Personal, The Best You, Authenticity 

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something i’ve realized as of late is that i haven’t been fully honest nor vulnerable with myself or anyone else for that matter. part of it is because i’ve been avoiding wanting to admit to some of the faults in my life.

the first thing i need to come clean to is: i miss home, i miss my mom, and i often still question whether moving to LA was the right decision. as much as i try to glamorize this experience, quite frankly there’s no meaning behind any of the physical beauty i post on instagram.

next, i have not been my best self. i’m not reading, i’m not writing, i’m not reflecting, i’ve lost sight of my goals and of who i am. i’ve been numb for quite some time and i’m unsure of what life would be like without my safety shield.

finally, my relationship with God and everyone else has been on such a surface level. i’m having a hard time connecting and asking for help even with the ones closest to me. i fear being exposed as inadequate and imperfect and because of this, i can’t foster any relationships because i’m afraid they’ll know the truth.

coasting life is not something i’ve enjoyed nor valued and it’s embarrassing to say that i’ve been doing it for the last year. it’s a tough cycle to break because it’s comfortable and safe. but i need to remind myself why i made this decision in the first place, do my best to make the most out of life and the experiences i’ve been given.

sigh… wish me luck

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cheers to a year!

Category: Personal, The Best You

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i can’t believe it’s been a year since i’ve moved to california. it feels like just yesterday i was contemplating applying to grad school out here…

there have been plenty of ups and downs, a lot of questioning who i am, why i made this decision to move. deep down though, i know this is where i need to be. as much as i get mover’s remorse about being a transplant here and all my hatin’ on LA thoughts, i know i’d be even more miserable at home.

i moved out here with the purpose of gaining independence and feeling like life had endless opportunities. and that is exactly what i discovered, but what i also realized is that while opportunity offers options, it also creates a lot of confusion. so here’s me, attempting to unravel the mess. cheers to another, even better year!