Category: Personal, The Best You, Authenticity
something i’ve realized as of late is that i haven’t been fully honest nor vulnerable with myself or anyone else for that matter. part of it is because i’ve been avoiding wanting to admit to some of the faults in my life.
the first thing i need to come clean to is: i miss home, i miss my mom, and i often still question whether moving to LA was the right decision. as much as i try to glamorize this experience, quite frankly there’s no meaning behind any of the physical beauty i post on instagram.
next, i have not been my best self. i’m not reading, i’m not writing, i’m not reflecting, i’ve lost sight of my goals and of who i am. i’ve been numb for quite some time and i’m unsure of what life would be like without my safety shield.
finally, my relationship with God and everyone else has been on such a surface level. i’m having a hard time connecting and asking for help even with the ones closest to me. i fear being exposed as inadequate and imperfect and because of this, i can’t foster any relationships because i’m afraid they’ll know the truth.
coasting life is not something i’ve enjoyed nor valued and it’s embarrassing to say that i’ve been doing it for the last year. it’s a tough cycle to break because it’s comfortable and safe. but i need to remind myself why i made this decision in the first place, do my best to make the most out of life and the experiences i’ve been given.
sigh… wish me luck