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How to Have a Successful Relationship – the 5 A’s

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The most powerful thing I took away from our pre-marriage class was the idea of constant open communication through daily practice of the 5 A’s. Which are: Appreciate, Affection, Apologize, Ask, Amen. It is a daily activity you can easily do with your partner at the end of each day. And how it works is each person takes a turn to do the 5 A’s and then the other partner will go and it usually ends with a prayer. Hoan and I have been doing this EVERY single day since we learned of it. It’s definitely been helpful for us in continuing to stay open to one another and share what ever is on our hearts.

  1. Appreciate

    You first start out by telling your partner all of the things you appreciated about them today. Ie. “I appreciate you washing my car today, picking up my laundry, your humor and making me laugh in the morning when I was stressed about being late, etc.”

  2. Affection

    Once you are done telling them what you appreciate about them, you give them a kiss or a hug.

  3. Apologize

    Next you want to ask your partner if there was anything from the day that upset them. This is a great time to be able to share what small little things irked you such as, “leaving the toilet seat up again, not washing the dishes when you were done with lunch and there was a pile when we got home, etc.” I know for myself, little things can get to me so it’s nice to be able to get it off your chest and also help your partner become more aware of your likes and preferences this way.

  4. Ask

    You want to ask your partner if there is anything you can do for them? For example, you may ask, “can you please help edit my paper tomorrow, or pick up dry cleaning for me after work, etc.” And make sure you are honest about whether or not you can fulfill these tasks and if not, it’s okay, tell them what you are able to do.

  5. Amen

    Finally, ask your partner what they’d like you to pray for.

Once your turn is done, repeat the process and let your partner go through their 5 A’s. Once you each have gone, then it’s time to pray. Hoan and I usually pray by him starting off and I finish it off. But really, anything works!

Hoan and I have been doing this every day since we learned about the activity last May and have not missed a single day! It’s truly helped us to continue to have open communication, especially when we are upset. We all know open communication is the key to a successful relationship, but what’s challenging sometimes is when something so small irked you and you don’t know how to bring it up so instead you just let it go… but really deep down it’s still bothersome and if/when it does come up again, it’s become even more frustrating. And we find ourselves in a bigger mess than what it really was to begin with. I really hope these 5 A’s can help you and your partner grow as a unit and help strengthen your faith in one another and in God. <3 Lmk how it goes!

 

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Bachelorette Ready Outfits

Hey loves, as I’m beginning to plan for my bachelorette in less than 2 months! 5 of us girlies will be headed to the Bahamas on a Royal Caribbean Cruise! I wanted to share some outfits I’m planning on bringing with me

First is this cute little sequin number from Tobi! Seriously, so adorbs on, I’m so obsessed! | Shop this dress HERE

tobi, sequin dress, shine by me

 

 

Next is this Showpo OTS leopard print day dress for casual days out on the town! | Shop this dress HERE

showpo, ots, off the shoulder dress, summer dress

 

 

Last is this adorable OTS night out dress from Forever 21 that will get you looking classy! | Shop this dress HERE

forever 21, ots, off the shoulder, white dress, dress, going out dress

 

Welp, that’s it for now! Looking forward to sharing with you all more deets to come! <3

 

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How to Follow Your Heart – 3 Steps

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I think all my life, I’ve trusted the reason my heart would speak of and while I know it doesn’t always align with what is logically correct, in the end I know it’s what I need to do. Listening to that little voice inside me isn’t always easy though. Urging myself to do something that might feel uncomfortable is something I think many people have difficulty with. In the past I know that when I don’t do what that voice is telling me, I ended up feeling really disappointed in myself. I began to practice it more this last year with living intentionally, but I don’t think I did it enough. So with that being said, I’m definitely going to do my best to speak up when my heart says that I should.

How?

So how do we get ourselves to follow through with what we know is right in our hearts?

  1. Recognize the voice

    I think the first step in doing is realizing the voice is actually there. When you get into a situation where you feel compelled to speak up or do something, it’s important to be aware of the fact that your heart is trying to say something.

  2. Reason with yourself

    Once you recognize there is a voice, explore it more and ask yourself why? Why are you feeling compelled? What would be the end result if you did do it, and what would happen if you didn’t? Would you be willing to walk away from the situation without saying or doing and if not would you be okay with it? Figure out if it’s something worth your time. Sometimes the turmoil is what’s most difficult to experience.

  3. React to the situation

    After you’ve gone through the scenarios and realize you can’t walk away not doing what your heart is telling you, then it’s time to follow through. Sometimes this can be the most difficult task but take a deep breath, let it out and if you need support go seek it so you can stay accountable.

 I can’t say following our hearts is easy and I feel like as time goes on and the more practice we get in, the more comfortable it will become. One thing that helps me is reminding myself that we need to trust that the process will lead us to our end destination. The road may twist and bend but all of it will eventually lead you there.

 

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surprising moments of 2017

 

how to make a new city feel like home, laguna beach, california, orange county, oc, beach, west coast

there’s so much happening around me that all i feel i can do is freeze as to attempt to keep at least one thing constant. i feel like a little figurine stuck in a snow globe with a blazing blizzard endangering my comfort and safety and all i want to do is stop time so i can get a handle on all that’s happening around me. it’s been a long time since i’ve really sit down to write but i know I NEED to do more of it to really think through and reflect on my experiences. i feel like my thoughts are just getting lost in the mix of everything.

surprising moments of 2017

today ann asked me what was surprising to me this last year. can you believe that all the things that came to mind were negative? i was surprised that my extended family basically wants nothing to do with me… i find it so challenging to live in two different worlds, with two very different expectations. there’s a life that i want to live that may not necessarily seem fitting or appropriate to others. at one point in my life, it was easily shrugged off my shoulders because i felt i had support and the constant reminders of why when times were tough but i honestly don’t feel like i have that anymore.

i always thought i was such a resilient person, that i could easily adapt to new environments and social settings but just like anyone else, i experienced how difficult it can be to make new friends and really open up to others. i’ve always had a fear of people recognizing my faults but now there’s a fear of being authentic and showing my real emotions to people which is quite the opposite of who i was before.

and finally… because i’m not looking forward to moving, i wasn’t looking forward to the wedding. because i knew that when that time came, my time in LA was up. which is a sad concept to comprehend; that the most exciting day of my life that i’ve been looking forward to since i was a kid is now tainted because of this notion. but i’m definitely trying my best to lean in and trust the process.

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Floral Maxi Romper

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floral romper, floral maxi

Hi everyone! These maxi rompers are definitely still a love for me. They’re fun and flirty but you also have that casual feel because of the romper style fit. I actually got this from a friend of mine who said it would work perfectly with my style and I’m in love!! Thanks for all your support, Nelyn! <3 <3

You could easily wear this to a fall wedding, a party or a night out on the town! I found some similar items below, see the links! Happy summering <3

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outfit deets

Similar | Similar (White/Pink)

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Paralyzing Emotions

sad, sad girl, beach sad, mexico beach

ever since i got back from my thanksgiving trip in seattle, i’ve been in a bit of a funk. i couldn’t help but notice that i was feeling out of my element and while everything had remained the same, there was this running theme i felt all week long. i’ve been trying to process through the emotions and i’m realizing it’s multi-layered.

i think part of it is because the reality of moving  is sinking in… knowing that my life is going to completely change very soon with hoan moving down and then moving up to seattle, getting married and wanting to plan a life around two cities is right around the corner. all of that is just a lot to take in. and while i’ve always enjoyed the option of having more, i’m feeling the nostalgia of resistance from 2 years ago when i first moved to LA resurfacing with this next move.

the other things i kept noticing was feelings of inadequacy, the inability to be myself, fear of judgment and this internal struggle of believing people expected something of me, trying to live up to it but knowing it wasn’t me. with these emotions hitting me all at once, i realized all i could do was numb, do my best to freeze. it’s all so foreign to me feeling like this… never in my life have i felt not enough… not myself or felt fearful of what others thought of me. these were never beliefs that consumed my being and all of a sudden, it was all i could think about.  it’s been really paralyzing and i think i’m still trying to wake up from this trance…

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LA is like Sand in an Hourglass

i feel like each time i’ve come home since moving to LA has been so different. I went from feeling a little remorseful and homesick about my move to not knowing where i fit in at home or  LA and I think I can say I’m finally at a place where i feel a lot of peace and gratitude with my decision to move.

it wasn’t an easy journey to get here because i had to numb all of my negative emotions in order to accept that LA was reality.  i was emotionally unavailable to everyone including myself and i think it was hardest on those who loved me most.  looking back now, those were some of the darkest days of my life, not necessarily in the amount of emotion but rather in the extent of loneliness.

as time has gone on though, i’ve slowly been able to break through the layers of regret and denial and am finally able to regain positive perspective and the colors of life.  as my time winds down here in LA, i’m unsure what i want to get out of these next few months but i feel like yes man will become a mantra.. literally saying yes to any opportunity i might get to try… seek, do, experience in all senses of the word.

 

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Before I die Proposal

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The day of the proposal I was still jetlagged from my red eye flight into Minneapolis but also stressed because I had an online presentation for class that evening and I had found out earlier that my slides had gotten deleted so I was just really anxious to get home. My best friend Ann and I had gotten a late lunch that day and I told her I should probably get home early to work on my presentation so after a little stalling on her end she said “ok, but before we go home can we quick run an errand? I have to go pick up tickets at the Orpheum.” I said, “sure” and we were on our way to downtown.

She decided to park in this parking lot near the Orpheum and I thought… hmm this looks oddly familiar. And as we drove in and parked, I looked up and said, “oh hey this is where Hoan and I had the [before I die] wall date! “And she was like, “oh yeah?” And I was like, “…yeah!!”

Proposal Time

Once the car came to a stop I told her I would sit in the car and wait for her since it was sprinkling out and she said, “oh… I need two people to pick them up.” In my head, I was thinking, that’s odd… I’ve never heard of that before. I noticed she grabbed an umbrella and walked over to my passenger car side and got me out of the car. I got out and was still thinking, this is so weird that she is having me go pick up tickets with her. As we continue bickering, all of a sudden Ann goes, “ugh, just look over there” So then I look over and there is Hoan standing under an umbrella in front of a “Before I die” wall and I literally just bawled my eyes out.

In that moment, it felt like time just stood still because I was completely floored! I had a variety of different emotions run through me from shock, to guilt, to feeling so incredibly loved. I couldn’t believe he had been working on all of this without my knowledge! I also couldn’t believe it was me who was getting proposed to… It’s like you dream of it as a child, you think about it growing up and wonder what your proposal would look like and here it was happening right before my eyes. It’s a good thing it got documented because looking back now it felt like such a whirlwind.. but the most dreamy, thoughtful, romantic whirlwinds of all time.

Proposal Video here

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Off the Shoulder ShowPO

Hope everyone is enjoying your summer days! We only have a few weeks left, what are y’all doing for the rest of it?  This off the shoulder dress is perfect for those summer brunch or patio days! It’s super comfy and very lightweight. I love the double overlay at the arms, gives it more of a unique touch. Enjoy loves <3

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OUTFIT DEETS

Dress is from ShowPo!

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Black Floral Romper

floral romper, princess polly, california

floral romper, black, green, california

floral romper, summer romper

Summer has definitely become one of my favorite seasons. Growing up in Minnesota, summer wasn’t my favorite because it was so hot and muggy out and you can’t forget about those awful mosquitos! Now that I’ve lived in LA for a while, summer seems to feel like it’s year round, which was definitely difficult at first especially around the holidays. However, the summer days have definitely grown on me.

This outfit is so easy to wear and can easily go from day to night and from summer into fall! Enjoy loves <3

 

 

outfit deets

Outfit is from: Princess Polly