so many rocks and hard places

Category: Personal, Self Compassion, Spread the Movement

waterf

i can’t believe it’s been a month since i last wrote and i am so sorry. life has really picked up this last month with work and school but i guess October won’t be any different.

today was a tough day… it’s never easy when you’re placed in a position where you feel like you have to choose something over the other. i’m realizing that the older you get the more frequently you’ll encounter these situations where you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. and while the way we react to the situation may get easier over time but figuring out what to do and actually following through with it never seems to get any easier.

but despite the difficulties, we just have to remember that this is only just a little dip in the big incline towards the top.

simply beyoutiful,

ATL

 

 

labor day pains and gains

Category: Personal, The Best You

big bear

life is always a little difficult around the holidays, regardless of what holiday it is. this three-day weekend reminded me of the consequences of my decision in moving here. and sometimes i still have some remorse about moving here and doubt whether this is where i’m supposed to be. it’s been a lot better lately as i feel like my transition period is coming to a close but today i felt like i took two steps backwards.

knowing that my friends and family back home are enjoying their time together this weekend without me is beyond difficult. whats even more challenging is knowing i might never have that again is indescribable.

i don’t know why i moved out here, but i know there is a purpose to me being drawn to the west coast. so as i mope about not being around my loved ones this labor day weekend, i’ll work on being grateful for being here in california because there is a purpose, i just don’t know what that is right now but i’m determined to find out.

 

…and the truth comes out

Category: Personal, The Best You, Authenticity 

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something i’ve realized as of late is that i haven’t been fully honest nor vulnerable with myself or anyone else for that matter. part of it is because i’ve been avoiding wanting to admit to some of the faults in my life.

the first thing i need to come clean to is: i miss home, i miss my mom, and i often still question whether moving to LA was the right decision. as much as i try to glamorize this experience, quite frankly there’s no meaning behind any of the physical beauty i post on instagram.

next, i have not been my best self. i’m not reading, i’m not writing, i’m not reflecting, i’ve lost sight of my goals and of who i am. i’ve been numb for quite some time and i’m unsure of what life would be like without my safety shield.

finally, my relationship with God and everyone else has been on such a surface level. i’m having a hard time connecting and asking for help even with the ones closest to me. i fear being exposed as inadequate and imperfect and because of this, i can’t foster any relationships because i’m afraid they’ll know the truth.

coasting life is not something i’ve enjoyed nor valued and it’s embarrassing to say that i’ve been doing it for the last year. it’s a tough cycle to break because it’s comfortable and safe. but i need to remind myself why i made this decision in the first place, do my best to make the most out of life and the experiences i’ve been given.

sigh… wish me luck

cheers to a year!

Category: Personal, The Best You

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i can’t believe it’s been a year since i’ve moved to california. it feels like just yesterday i was contemplating applying to grad school out here…

there have been plenty of ups and downs, a lot of questioning who i am, why i made this decision to move. deep down though, i know this is where i need to be. as much as i get mover’s remorse about being a transplant here and all my hatin’ on LA thoughts, i know i’d be even more miserable at home.

i moved out here with the purpose of gaining independence and feeling like life had endless opportunities. and that is exactly what i discovered, but what i also realized is that while opportunity offers options, it also creates a lot of confusion. so here’s me, attempting to unravel the mess. cheers to another, even better year!

 

 

the biggest lesson i’ve learned

Category: The Best You, Personal

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life has been a whirlwind of events and i feel like i’ve had no time to process life. currently i’m back home and it feels so nice to see familiar faces, to do my old routine,to be with friends and family… and amidst all of this, i’m feeling a little remorseful that i left such a perfect place.

for the first time since moving, i’m toying with the idea of moving back home and what’s different this time is that it’s not accompanied with FOMO.

seeing all of ann’s wedding stuff and realizing i wasn’t there to help her through this, or seeing her new place and knowing we won’t be able to hang out there, and hearing about birthday plans and not being invited because i live so far away just really breaks my heart.

and it brings me back to the biggest lesson i’ve learned since moving away and that is it’s the company that makes the experience, not the activity.

 

 

 

:/

Category: Personal

beautiful pink peony flowers bouquet in vase
beautiful pink peony flowers bouquet in vase

it has been a whirlwind of a few weeks since my last post and my complete apologies.

we flew to seattle for two weddings the weekend of 4th of July and had another wedding last weekend. something i’ve noticed about myself is that my social skills are not up to par. i’m having difficulty making conversation with people, telling stories, and really just being comfortable in social settings.

i know the root of the cause though and it’s because i hardly ever hang out with people anymore. it’s funny to think that i used to try and run away to gain some peace and quiet and valued these moments of solace. now on the opposite end of the spectrum, here i am yearning for some quality time with my family and friends, sigh… i miss you guys

 

 

me before you

Category: Personal, The Best You

white

we went to go see ‘me before you’ tonight and it got me pondering life. i was actually way more upset at the ending than i thought i’d be, which is making me realize how i’ve become more defined as a person.

i definitely support dying with dignity if that is what the person believes is the best fit for them. there are plenty of cases out there that justify its’ existence. and as a nurse, we are taught that we must respect and support our patient’s decisions regardless of what our beliefs are.

for me personally, i’ve come to believe that as long as we are still alive on this earth, God has a purpose us. i really think God takes those who are ready and waits on all the rest of us as we mature and prepare ourselves for the afterlife. i’m curious to find out what it’s like on the other side, but i’m even more excited to see how the rest of life unfolds. i’ve been reminded of how lucky we are to be alive and to have the life we have. God does bless, and he does it so many different ways.

 

simply beYOUtiful,

atl

 

long before i was born

Category: Personal

purple

i woke up naturally early this morning anticipating Hoan’s arrival into town. i’ve been having a hard time getting up lately and i’m unsure whether its because of residual jet lag from my trips or what, but i stayed up this morning instead of going back to sleep to catch some precious z’s.

i stumbled across this video of a couple who felt compelled to name their child Chloe, even before they were even together. they struggled through years of infertility and ended up deciding to adopt. when they went to go visit the birth mom, to their surprise she had been calling the baby Chloe. like :O

tears started forming in the corners of my eyes as i was watching this story unfold. i was lying in my bed, in absolute awe of God’s beautiful work and began to reflect on my own personal life.

I thought wow… Hoan is exactly the man i dreamt of marrying… here i am living in California, which is something i had thought about for years, and pursuing my master’s in nursing education is a decision i made years ago when i was only a freshman in college!

and then it dawned on me, God has been writing my story… long before i was born, just as He has yours.

here’s the link to the video: God is Good (thanks to Katie Raddatz for sharing)

 

simplybeYOUtiful,

atl

missing home

Category: Personal

peonies

holidays are never easy when we’re away from our family. this morning i felt a twinge of guilt that i couldn’t be home for father’s day. my dad is going to be 73 this year and even though our family doesn’t do much for the holidays, it would have been nice to spend some time with them.

i shudder thinking back to all the holidays i spent at home, doing nothing but wishing i was apart of another family who actually celebrated the holidays… oh how the times have changed.

sigh…

if you’re near your pop this father’s day, give him a nice sweet kiss, or even two.

 

simply beYOUtiful,

atl

healing

Category: Authenticity, Self Compassion, Self Acceptance, The Best You

peo

i feel like the moment i was able to admit to my faults, is also the moment i began to heal.

since moving to LA, my me-me (youngest born) mentality has become much more apparent. it’s been quite challenging for me to put myself in other people’s shoes, to feel empathy and compassion.

after a lot of reflection, i realized it’s because my needs as a human being weren’t being met to the standard of what i’m used to-our need for love, belonging and connection- and unfortunately, it led me to a place where i couldn’t give fully or unconditionally.

i’m unsure of how long i went on without noticing or admitting to it but i finally came clean to myself this weekend. the process was heartbreaking and shameful to say the least but as my boyfriend says, our biggest breakdowns often lead to our biggest breakthroughs.

 

simply beYOUtiful,

Anh Thu