Category: The Best You, Spread the Movement
My dad wanted to go to his friend’s house after church on Christmas day and my mom and I were appalled. I was reminded of all the holidays where I had wished my parents were divorced because they couldn’t even get along on important holidays, let alone regular days so I figured they’d be better off without each other.
As I was sorting through these emotions, I tried to make sense of why my dad would want to leave his family for his friends on Christmas day. This is when I realized I couldn’t blame him because I grew up with the belief that friends are in fact your family. These people are important to him because his needs are met through their interactions.
This little found epiphany reminded me of what I learned at Tony Robbins this last year which helped me to make sense of it all: we gravitate towards certain people and activities because they offer us something in return.
According to Tony Robbins there are six human needs that drive our “why’s” in what we do and how we do them:
- Certainty – Everybody wants stability in their basic necessities. When people can’t control their physical circumstances, they may seek certainty through a state of mind.
- Variety – People have a need to change their state to exercise their body and emotions. Therefore they seek variety through a number of means, stimuli, change of scenery, physical activity, etc.
- Significance – Everybody needs to feel special and important in some way. People will seek significance through recognition from others or themselves
- Connection – Humans need to feel connected with someone or something – a person, an idea, a value, a habit or a sense of identity
- Growth – Everything in the universe is either growing or dying – there is no third alternative. People aren’t spiritually satisfied unless their capacities are expanding
- Contribution – Just as people cannot survive without others, contributing in some way to their welfare, they cannot be spiritually fulfilled unless they are contributing to others as well.
So as I was reminded of these 6 basic human needs, I realized that being with his friends, my dad feels significant, connected and that he’s contributing to good times with his music and that is why he wanted to spend time with his friends on Christmas day.
Even though he ended up not going out at all, it helped me to make sense of why someone would be driven to do something regardless of how crazy or odd it might sound. So the next time we catch ourselves judging or getting frustrated because of someone else’s actions, we can be reminded of the 6 human needs and can better relate, have compassion and understand more fully.
love simply, love beyoutifully,